Waiting for the Breakdown Services just outside Narbonne in the South of France I was thankful for my beautiful view, a seat in the shade and a galley in which to make lunch……because it took over FOUR hours! In fact, it was only when I’d made myself a cup of tea (the proverbial English habit that always seems to make things better!) that Breakdown Man actually appeared. So, what was the problem? Well, let me backtrack to the previous evening where, after climbing up a steep single track road, I found myself at the most glorious viewpoint over the Occitanie countryside and got myself settled in for the night (don’t worry, I have full confidence with my sophisticated alarm and am on first name terms with Alarm Man Carl – Carlarm Man??!).

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Woken from my deepest slumber, I’m suddenly in the middle of a booming, full-on French nightclub playing extreme rap at ear-splitting decibels. All the usual tricks of earplugs and a pillow over my head were tried, but the French Rap broke through. They are obviously a bit short on choice here, as there was one particular ‘tune’ that came on about every third ‘song’ and I found myself quite liking it – didn’t expect that! On the track’s fourth outing, I realised sleep was not an option, so stuck my head out of the centre hatch to survey the scene and saw a group of “yoof” all enjoying the beauty spot (and the “music”). By now it was 3am, so I fired Gloria up, went about 1/2 mile down the road and the rest of the night passed uneventfully. Wanting to enjoy my morning cuppa with this amazing view, I drove back to the spot and laughed when I saw my doormat there, just waiting for me! All was fine until I went to start the engine – maybe my battery is on its last legs, as obviously the two short journeys had decimated it and there was no sign of life?? Fortunately, as mentioned, I couldn’t have had a more beautiful spot to wait – the plains below all covered in vines, the lines making it look like a patchwork of corduroy.

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As expected, I had just had my first sip of tea when Breakdown Man finally appeared – it never fails!! Using his boosterpack, he got me started straight away – when questioned about the state of my battery, he said it was fine and we both came to the conclusion that it must have been the two short journeys. All of this was done in my schoolgirl French with no charades this time…..it must be beginning to come back to me – not flooding back, just a little rivulet!

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My first stop thereafter was a car parts shop to buy a battery booster pack, ensuring I could be self-sufficient in the future (I had already bought some monster jumpleads but there was only one car that visited in that entire time and, despite their very kind and best efforts, it seemed their battery was too weedy to do the job!).

A quick cycle ride into Narbonne made the whole day feel better, as I got to see the beautiful Cathedral which, if it had been completed, would have been the tallest in France, but building regs and the plague got in the way!

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On this trip, I have “collected” many things; it started with castles in Germany, continued with rivers (Danube, Rhine, Rhone), morphed into lakes (St Moritz, Lake Como, Castellane) and now my latest ‘thing’…….tree-lined avenues or rivers. It seems that ever since driving the Route Napoleon, these have been everywhere and are clearly an iconic part of “La Belle France”. The most common theory for these prolific beauties is that Napoleon ordered their planting so that his troops could march in the shade – but clearly trees take a few decades to grow, so the alternative theory of the nobility ensuring their goods remained fresh sounds far more plausible to me. Whatever the reason, it really makes driving through the French countryside ‘magnifique’!

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I would love to say that I reached my camping spot for the night, a spot deep inside one of the countless vineyards, without a hitch – but in the last mile, I found myself in one of the tiniest streets in a small village and, feeling nervous that I might get stuck, I hopped out to scout out the way ahead. Definitely the stressful part of the roadtrip, driving through these small villages, resulting in me inadvertently switching off the engine and – you’ve guessed it – it wouldn’t start again. So now I find myself right in the centre of this tiny village with no one able to go around me (fortunately it was so quiet, no one ever came!). Knowing that I had the booster pack onboard was good…..but I hadn’t had a chance to charge it yet so it wasn’t much help. HELP!! Suddenly, there was that most beautiful sound – an English voice asking if I needed any help?? And before he could say otherwise, this kind lady had enlisted the help of her husband (probably just settling down for a relaxed evening) and he got me going. Whilst doing so, we had a good chat about their life in France – the one upside of having vehicle problems is meeting so many lovely people!

My campspot ,which is literally a mile or so into endless vines, is beautiful, but I am now so worried about my battery that I’m worried about switching the engine off. Just as I’m pondering my next move, a car drives along and I pluck up the courage to wander down to the only dwelling in sight and ask if he can charge my booster pack for me overnight. I certainly took him by surprise as it was so remote, but he was really helpful, immediately putting it on charge and even inviting me in for a coffee the following morning. Turns out that Renee had been a Dutch Roady for the likes of Bon Jovi and an Elvis singer too – yet another fascinating story and good to see the beautiful spot that he and his wife had created in this little slice of heaven.

The booster pack WAS required to get Glo going, so a French version of Halfords was definitely next on my list – except that it was Sunday and the French are much better at enjoying their Sundays off, so I was left with no choice but to get to my next campspot which I chose primarily for the fact that it had EHU (electrical hook-up!). The fact that it was on a farm was just a bonus!

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Off on my usual bike ride, I decided that French seaside towns leave a LOT to be desired – they keep it a big secret, but I would say that they are every bit as bad as the more well-known Magaluf or Benidorm. Thank goodness I was on the bike, as I could just speed through them and head back inland – where things improved massively as I stumbled across the inevitable vineyard and succumbed to an irresistible tasting! And, of course, ended up offroading again – this time through the peace and quiet of some wetlands……

After the now customary jump-start the following morning from Quebecois Lady (battery shenanigans have enabled me meet people from all over with such interesting stories – and also given me faith in the human race, as everyone has gone out of their way to help me), I headed straight to “Roady”, a car parts specialist, to buy a battery. My request resulted in much scratching of the head, followed by a request to see my registration form which definitely caused even more head scratching!! Finally, they concluded that the battery that I needed was out of stock and even if it was in stock, they didn’t have a slot to fit me in that day. Their only suggestion? Go and have a look in the Intermarche next door. Not having much faith in this, I call breakdown assistance, again – and find myself at a low point of the trip, going up and down the aisles in a supermarket in search of a motorhome battery. I mean, really – ARE THEY JOKING ?!?! A meltdown was imminent but, amazingly, it appears that they might have one – weird?! Just before I buy it, the breakdown services call and I race back to Gloria. It’s not Breakdown Man this time, but Flat-bed Truck Driver who is there purely to get Gloria onboard and transport us to a garage. However, when questioned if the garage would have a suitable battery, bearing in mind that the battery specialist didn’t, he understood my predicament. He then had a stroke of genius and fetched his battery checker – turns out my battery was ‘bonne’ (also turns out that it’s feminine – I’d been referring to it as masculine all along……perhaps this explains it’s whimsical ways??!!). As he does this, the smoke alarm goes off and the penny drops – could it just be the battery connections?? Flat-bed Saviour Guy tightened them all up and – just like that – I was fixed! What a relief – I had visions of spending endless nights outside Roady or even trying to change the battery myself (Youtube is great, but that might have been pushing it!!).

So – off to recover what I had originally planned for the day, a hike in the foothills of the Pyrenees. There was no time for the full walk, but a stomp uphill for a good hour helped relieve the frustrations of the day and also treated me to a view of the entire French coast along which I have driven. A fitting end to my time in France!

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I had rather “bigged up” the Pyrenees crossing and was looking forward to more switchback mountain passes; in contrast, although beautiful, there was a good mile or so either side of the border of endless booze, fag and fake handbag shops….certainly not what I was expecting, a bit like the Wild Wild West! Anyway, the border crossing was uneventful (apart from me shouting out “Welcome to Spain, Gloria!!”…..I must have some human company soon!!) and I spent the night by beautiful Lake Banyoles. The inevitable bike ride and coffee/croissant stop got the following day off to a good start and it was made even better by finally, FINALLY, after the most dogged, tenacious persistence you can imagine, managing to get another gas bottle for Gloria at last, so my rosé and milk can now be kept cold again! I won’t bore you with the details, suffice to say that every country in Europe has a different system and you can’t buy a gas bottle from the garage forecourt where they are so temptingly laid out, only exchange one…….and the only place to buy one is right in the centre of town, generally on a street completely inaccessible to motorhomes. Grrr – enough said……Europe, you need to get co-ordinated on this one!

The drive down to my next stop was one of my favourite drives of the trip – nice, easy roads through incredible volcanic scenery and passing the mountains of Monserrat looking like grey icing pushing up through the ground. It was hard to keep my eyes on the road due to the curious shape of its jagged peaks and it is no wonder that it is a revered holy mountain, home to a famous monastery. Another place for the bucket list!

A slight detour next, to a place that I had first spied in a travel article a few years ago and made a note about, so I was very excited to finally go there. Rock formations have always fascinated me and this Spanish town has literally been built on a lump of granite 50m high and a kilometre long. The old houses, built from the basalt that they are standing on, lean precariously over the dramatic cliff edge, overlooking the two rivers below that flank the town. Of course, it had to be seen from the river too, leading to a rather energetic bike ride back to Gloria 😅 Castellfollit de la Roca: a very worthwhile detour!

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My Park4night App is really coming into its own in the wine regions of Europe, as my next nightstop is in yet another vineyard, named after a favourite tennis star. Nadal Wines provide free parking to motorhomes and I spend a peaceful night among the vines with yet more grapes for breakfast.

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The next day is roasting, so I ditch sightseeing (who knew there would be so many Roman ruins in Spain?!) in favour of a relaxed morning in the shade of the tree beside the vines; I don’t see a soul the entire time I’m there! I have a few days of quite long drives, as I’m making my way towards Valencia to pick up my next co-pilot, but I still manage to spend a lovely couple of hours on the beach on the way – warm shallow waters and the best “sardines on toast” ever!

Eschewing vineyards for a night, I pick an Olive farm this time and am barely parked up before the produce is brought out and the tasting begins. I’m shown a video explaining the harvesting process; netting on the ground and machines that look like a cross between a strimmer and a rake that shake all the branches, so the olives rain down – they’re looking for volunteers to help in October if anyone is interested?! That is, if I can tear myself away……..

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• Thoughts so far:
• Beauty spots by day can become Rap Rave-ups by night
• This trip has taught me a lot about resilience and self-sufficiency
• Why do the French ‘steal’ our words? Apparently, I’m driving a “camping-car” – I mean, really!
• Do your research before choosing a French seaside holiday
• France produces 7-8 BILLION bottles of wine per year
• The Romans called Spain “Hispania”
• An olive is a fruit not a vegetable!

Apologies for the lengthy blog this time – this is because I try and keep it interesting and focus on the “escapades” rather than the mundane travel stuff – and this week, I have certainly had my fair share of escapades!!